Why have a Rehearsal?

Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinners

I have heard so many times “I've been in a lot of weddings and so have my friends, I'm not going to have a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner.”  Many people seem to think a rehearsal and the following dinner are optional activities. That sounds like a terrible idea so here are a few tips to help you navigate the day before the big day.

Why have a Rehearsal?

The rehearsal is very important in making sure that your wedding day goes according to plan. It is a complete run-through of the ceremony and will let all of your attendants know exactly what they  need to do the day of. Even if your bridesmaids have each been in multiple weddings, every wedding is different. Plus, do you think the groomsmen will remember what they did at the last wedding they were in? Each officiant will have a different way of approaching the ceremony, your venue will be different than those other weddings, and the little details of your ceremony will be just yours.

Who needs to come?

Typically, you only invite the people who are actually participating in the ceremony to the rehearsal. This includes your bridal party, young attendants such as the flower girl and ring bearer, your officiant, parents, and anyone you may have reading or singing. If you're planning on going straight to the rehearsal dinner, don't be surprised if anyone you invited to dinner is also at the actual rehearsal.

When does it happen?

Usually the rehearsal takes place the evening before the wedding. This is flexible depending on everyone's schedule. You may have the rehearsal a day or two before the wedding, or in the morning or afternoon the day before the wedding. Invitations should be sent out a week or so after the wedding invitations are sent.

Why have a rehearsal dinner?

A rehearsal dinner is a great way for you to get everyone in your bridal party and your immediate family all together before the big day.  This is also the time for more informal toasts, traditionally given by the groom's parents and by the groom to thank the bridal party and parents for all they have done to help out, along with a little doting on the bride. Anyone else that was invited is more than welcome to make a toast and often these are more informal and personal than the reception speeches, as long as they're not too personal.

Who needs to come?

Everyone that attended the rehearsal should be in attendance at the dinner. If someone participating in the ceremony is bringing a date to the wedding, it is also polite to invite that guest to the rehearsal dinner. Many people include their out of town guests but it is also perfectly acceptable for you to let them explore the city on their own, provided you've given them a list of attractions and things to do. You could invite out of town guests out for drinks or a small dessert gathering if you don't want to exclude them but also don't want to foot the bill for another 80 person dinner.

When/where does it happen?

Although the rehearsal can happen any time close to the wedding day, the rehearsal dinner is almost always the day before the wedding. There's no particular etiquette on time of day for the meal so it can be a rehearsal brunch, lunch, or dinner. Whatever time of day you choose, the formality is up to the discretion of the bride and groom and the location should match. Play lawn games at a casual BBQ or have a fancy 5 course dinner if its a small party. Whatever you like!

How to Plan a Wedding with a Difficult Guest List

Wedding Etiquette for the Blended Family

Today's families are full of interesting mixes. More often than not, it seems like brides and grooms have to decide what to do about divorced parents, feuding siblings, or other family dilemmas at their weddings. In an ideal world everyone would be courteous enough to put aside their differences and smile nicely for the photographer, but just in case they're not willing...

Mothers Take Precedence

Unless either the Bride or Groom's mother is the only one with the problem, tradition dictates that the Mother's (and specifically the Bride's mother) comes before the rest of the family. You should announce your engagement to mother's first. If Your parents are divorced but both parents are hosting the wedding, the mother's name along with her husband's will appear first on the invitation. A Bride's mother- and her husband if she is remarried, will be seated in the first row at your ceremony and placed directly after the bride and groom in the receiving line. If your divorced parents don't get along, a father may be asked to sit in the second row, or possibly in the third row behind the the bride's maternal grandmother; and in the receiving line will be placed after the groom's parents.

Step-Mothers

Stepmothers on good terms with the bride and the rest of the family need not worry, although traditionally there is not a large role for you, a polite bride will try to include you. Stepmother's should be sat first in the processional and will be seated next to their husbands. It is considered the mother of the bride's right to choose her dress first and the step mother should follow suit and choose something a little more understated. And even if the Father of the Bride and his wife are paying for most or part of the wedding, a stepmother will not have too much say in the guest list, but a courteous bride will listen to suggestions.

Fathers

Since fathers don't generally hold a large role in planning the wedding, the most controversial subject is who will walk the bride down the aisle. Go with your heart on this one. It is perfectly acceptable to choose your stepfather if he is the man you consider “Dad”. It's also fine to allow them both to walk you down. Treat the father-daughter dance the same way, if you're closer to your stepfather dance with him, but don't forget to give your biological father a dance at some point in the night as well. Or you can dance half it with your father, and half with your stepfather.

Seating

At the ceremony, seating is never predetermined so guests who are not on good terms may avoid each other simply by not sitting together. And as if a seating chart isn't stressful enough, family feuds can only make it worse. Separate guests who don't get along as much as possible but talk to each side and let them know how important this day is to you and that putting differences aside would mean the world to you. As far as seating your other guests, don't drive yourself crazy over fusing two different families together. Pair people together that you think will get along well but don't worry if people don't line up exactly, everyone has something in common... you!

Just remember, that a discussion on “the hard things” long before the ceremony will ease tensions the day of. Just calmly explain how you would like the day to go and why, and ask for your family's cooperation. If they're just as excited as you are about the big day, then they will behave and everyone will have a great time.

Inviting the Uninvited

Wedding Etiquette- Inviting the Uninvited

So you’re making your guest list for your romantic, intimate wedding and suddenly you’re up to 300 guests and don’t know where to draw the line. Many couples get inundated with thinking they are obliged to invite certain people to their wedding whether they want to or not. Here are some suggestions on how to navigate the tricky invites.

Extended Family

If your family is anything like mine, at weddings- everyone is expected to be invited, including relatives that you hardly ever see. General rule says that whoever is paying for the wedding picks the guest list. Many couples these days are taking on all, or some of the wedding expenses. If you’re paying for all of it, you decide the entire guest list. If your parents or someone else is paying for the wedding, or part of it, technically they should be able to decide the guest list too. Go by percentages, if your parents are paying for half of the wedding, they get to decide half of the guest list. It would of course be nice of you to take into consideration your family’s wishes but if you can’t afford a large guest list then don’t feel obliged to invite people you aren’t close to.

Coworkers

You like the people you work with; that’s fantastic. But do you need to invite them to your wedding? Another general rule to follow is, “Would you invite them to your house for dinner?” If the answer is “no”, then don’t invite them to your wedding. It’s possible that you are friends with people while you’re at the office but if you haven’t or wouldn’t bring your office mates along to something non-work related then don’t feel obliged. If you are close with a few of your coworkers but not others, invite who you’d like and let them know that others aren’t invited so they can be sensitive to others’ feelings.

Exes

I’m not sure how often this issue comes up, but I suspect more often than I think it does- inviting exes to the wedding. If you’ve stayed on good terms with an ex and you consider yourselves still friends then you may consider inviting them. If your spouse-to-be is uncomfortable with the idea then just explain to your ex why they aren’t invited; you’re making a commitment to your fiancé which most certainly overrides any commitment you have to your friendship. If your fiancé is okay with an ex being there, then modern etiquette doesn’t rule it out; but use your best judgment to make the situation as relaxed as possible.

Dates and Plus-Ones

Nothing brings up a guest count like the “plus one”. The most direct way of letting your guests know that they aren’t allowed to bring a date is through only naming the person you’re inviting on the invitation. If they mark on the return card that they are brining a date you can either add the date to your guest list or kindly explain to your friend that you are trying to keep the number of guests down and that they aren’t allowed to bring a date. If you have enough single friends that know each other, usually a “no date” policy is fine. If you have very few single people invited to your wedding, they will have a much better time if they bring a date and adding an extra 3 or 4 guests shouldn’t cause too much of an upset to your budget.

Children

You’ve planned a classic, elegant affair and your vision is complete but the idea of your cousin’s 6 year old crashing into the cake table has been giving you nightmares for weeks. Let your guests know that it will be adults only by putting “Adult Reception” on the invitations. If many of your guests are from out of town, offering a babysitter at a location close to the reception or in another room at your venue is a nice gesture and ensures that they won’t have to be excluded from the fun just because they have to stay home with the kids.

A Message from Gina

The Unveiled Truth

So you've gotten engaged- now what. There are so many ideas swirling in your head and everyone has an opinion or suggestion. Its all with good intentions, but there's a lot of big decisions to be made. This is probably the first major, event you've planned, if not the only one you'll ever plan, and of course you want it to be special. What you need to be thinking about is what is most important to you, your fiance, and what you both want for your wedding day. Is it the food, the music, the flowers, the party, the family, the dress? Every wedding is different. In all my years, I haven't done two weddings the same way. You would be amazed at the number of vendors and levels of service that are available to you. It may be best for your sanity and budget to hire someone to help you with the process; if you don't you'll be making quick decisions that may cost you big.  When I meet with a bride, I allow her to reveal what is most important to her on her wedding day.  And with that, we can convey to guests a little bit about the couple through the design, the menu, and the small details which are key to making a wedding day unique in every way. Start with a big vision, then work out the details; this blog is about the details. There's a lot of in's and out's of this industry and we'd like to help you navigate it through the words of this blog. 

My goal in publishing this blog is for me to reveal the hidden truth surrounding planning a wedding. These are the things that you may not ever get to know until you start planning your own big day. And we want to help you get the most out of the experience without making too many mistakes. Being in the catering industry for as long as we have been, we know the underlying truth about planning a wedding, birthday party etc... Although knowing how to have fun and enjoy the experience is the most important thing, KNOWLEDGE is key, and organization is what's going to make it all work. The more you know, the better off you'll be. 

There's a lot of information to come in the following posts. But let me give you a little intro to some of our upcoming advice:
The first decision you need to make is the location. Have a guesstimate of guests you plan to invite and remember that typically 10-15% will not attend. Finding a venue that fits this number is essential. Once you have your guesstimate then you can go out and look for your venue. After that, there only comes more decisions... Caterers, Cakes, Dresses, Florists, Photographers, Wedding Planners, Band or DJ. Always ask the vendors you've already hired for recommendations; they have seen a lot of weddings so they can be a great source.   Read the reviews online, the internet has turned out to be a bride's best source of information. Ask a lot of questions about your vendors- they love to tell you about what they have done in the past, how they got started, and what they can do for you. And remember, the most expensive is not always the best. Once you have all your vendors picked out and all your decisions are made now its time to wait for the BIG DAY. It will go by so quickly, really. Try and make it as memorable as possible. Relax and enjoy it!!!

We hope you enjoy the blog and find some helpful information along the way. We're so excited to see where this endeavor leads us and are thrilled that we can share our expertise. Congratulations on you wedding, and may it truly be the best day of your life.

Gina

J Cabot Catering