Monday, January 21, 2013

Inviting the Uninvited


Wedding Etiquette- Inviting the Uninvited

So you’re making your guest list for your romantic, intimate wedding and suddenly you’re up to 300 guests and don’t know where to draw the line. Many couples get inundated with thinking they are obliged to invite certain people to their wedding whether they want to or not. Here are some suggestions on how to navigate the tricky invites.

Extended Family
If your family is anything like mine, at weddings- everyone is expected to be invited, including relatives that you hardly ever see. General rule says that whoever is paying for the wedding picks the guest list. Many couples these days are taking on all, or some of the wedding expenses. If you’re paying for all of it, you decide the entire guest list. If your parents or someone else is paying for the wedding, or part of it, technically they should be able to decide the guest list too. Go by percentages, if your parents are paying for half of the wedding, they get to decide half of the guest list. It would of course be nice of you to take into consideration your family’s wishes but if you can’t afford a large guest list then don’t feel obliged to invite people you aren’t close to.
Coworkers

You like the people you work with; that’s fantastic. But do you need to invite them to your wedding? Another general rule to follow is, “Would you invite them to your house for dinner?” If the answer is “no”, then don’t invite them to your wedding. It’s possible that you are friends with people while you’re at the office but if you haven’t or wouldn’t bring your office mates along to something non-work related then don’t feel obliged. If you are close with a few of your coworkers but not others, invite who you’d like and let them know that others aren’t invited so they can be sensitive to others’ feelings.
Exes
I’m not sure how often this issue comes up, but I suspect more often than I think it does- inviting exes to the wedding. If you’ve stayed on good terms with an ex and you consider yourselves still friends then you may consider inviting them. If your spouse-to-be is uncomfortable with the idea then just explain to your ex why they aren’t invited; you’re making a commitment to your fiancé which most certainly overrides any commitment you have to your friendship. If your fiancé is okay with an ex being there, then modern etiquette doesn’t rule it out; but use your best judgment to make the situation as relaxed as possible.
Dates and Plus-Ones
Nothing brings up a guest count like the “plus one”. The most direct way of letting your guests know that they aren’t allowed to bring a date is through only naming the person you’re inviting on the invitation. If they mark on the return card that they are brining a date you can either add the date to your guest list or kindly explain to your friend that you are trying to keep the number of guests down and that they aren’t allowed to bring a date. If you have enough single friends that know each other, usually a “no date” policy is fine. If you have very few single people invited to your wedding, they will have a much better time if they bring a date and adding an extra 3 or 4 guests shouldn’t cause too much of an upset to your budget.
Children

You’ve planned a classic, elegant affair and your vision is complete but the idea of your cousin’s 6 year old crashing into the cake table has been giving you nightmares for weeks. Let your guests know that it will be adults only by putting “Adult Reception” on the invitations. If many of your guests are from out of town, offering a babysitter at a location close to the reception or in another room at your venue is a nice gesture and ensures that they won’t have to be excluded from the fun just because they have to stay home with the kids.

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