How to Plan a Wedding with a Difficult Guest List

Wedding Etiquette for the Blended Family

Today's families are full of interesting mixes. More often than not, it seems like brides and grooms have to decide what to do about divorced parents, feuding siblings, or other family dilemmas at their weddings. In an ideal world everyone would be courteous enough to put aside their differences and smile nicely for the photographer, but just in case they're not willing...

Mothers Take Precedence

Unless either the Bride or Groom's mother is the only one with the problem, tradition dictates that the Mother's (and specifically the Bride's mother) comes before the rest of the family. You should announce your engagement to mother's first. If Your parents are divorced but both parents are hosting the wedding, the mother's name along with her husband's will appear first on the invitation. A Bride's mother- and her husband if she is remarried, will be seated in the first row at your ceremony and placed directly after the bride and groom in the receiving line. If your divorced parents don't get along, a father may be asked to sit in the second row, or possibly in the third row behind the the bride's maternal grandmother; and in the receiving line will be placed after the groom's parents.

Step-Mothers

Stepmothers on good terms with the bride and the rest of the family need not worry, although traditionally there is not a large role for you, a polite bride will try to include you. Stepmother's should be sat first in the processional and will be seated next to their husbands. It is considered the mother of the bride's right to choose her dress first and the step mother should follow suit and choose something a little more understated. And even if the Father of the Bride and his wife are paying for most or part of the wedding, a stepmother will not have too much say in the guest list, but a courteous bride will listen to suggestions.

Fathers

Since fathers don't generally hold a large role in planning the wedding, the most controversial subject is who will walk the bride down the aisle. Go with your heart on this one. It is perfectly acceptable to choose your stepfather if he is the man you consider “Dad”. It's also fine to allow them both to walk you down. Treat the father-daughter dance the same way, if you're closer to your stepfather dance with him, but don't forget to give your biological father a dance at some point in the night as well. Or you can dance half it with your father, and half with your stepfather.

Seating

At the ceremony, seating is never predetermined so guests who are not on good terms may avoid each other simply by not sitting together. And as if a seating chart isn't stressful enough, family feuds can only make it worse. Separate guests who don't get along as much as possible but talk to each side and let them know how important this day is to you and that putting differences aside would mean the world to you. As far as seating your other guests, don't drive yourself crazy over fusing two different families together. Pair people together that you think will get along well but don't worry if people don't line up exactly, everyone has something in common... you!

Just remember, that a discussion on “the hard things” long before the ceremony will ease tensions the day of. Just calmly explain how you would like the day to go and why, and ask for your family's cooperation. If they're just as excited as you are about the big day, then they will behave and everyone will have a great time.

Wedding Traditions Passed

Long Gone is the Traditional Wedding...

As wedding professionals, we’ve noticed a lot of changes in weddings and lately we’ve been wondering what has happened to some of the traditions associated with a typical wedding. We love the creativity and personalization of today’s weddings but where did all of the tradition go? Here’s 3 traditions we’ve noticed getting tossed.

The Wedding Cake

Tradition:
The tradition of wedding cakes dates back to Roman times when a simple barley cake would be broken over the bride’s head and guests scurrying at her to get at the crumbs for good luck. Once tiered, frosted cakes became more popular, A bride would cut the cake and pass small pieces of cake through her wedding band for each guest.

What Couples are doing today:
Cupcakes! One of the biggest trends for brides today is cupcakes. It makes sense- they’re easier to manage the day of your wedding and they look just as nice, if not better than a traditional wedding cake. Another great cake alternative are pies for dessert. Pies are a great way to bring a great, home-made, personalized, DIY feel to your wedding. I love the idea of seasonal fruit pies in the Spring and Summer. And lastly we have dessert tables. These can consist of any dessert combination you’d like, ensuring that you’re wedding is quintessentially you, and your guests will love all of the options.

The Garter/Bouquet Toss

The Tradition:
The origin of this tradition is a little nuts. After the bride and groom said “I do”, they were expected to almost immediately consummate the marriage. Undergarments were stolen from the bedroom as proof that the marriage had been made official and also for good luck. Women attending the wedding were known for tearing at the bride’s dress as the threads denoted… good luck. As you can imagine, it wasn’t enjoyable for the couple so it became tradition for the bride to toss the bouquet as a distraction for the ladies and the groom to throw the garter so the other men would leave his new wife alone.

What Couples are doing today:
Nothing. It has happened many times at event’s I’ve attended that the couple did not partake in either of these traditions. A lot of couples find the tradition cliché or embarrassing. But ladies, who doesn’t love to put your friends in the center of a dance floor, announce them as single, and then watch as they desperately grab for a bouquet?

Wedding and Engagement Rings:

I’m going to pass on the story that says rings are a lighter version of tools used to keep captured brides from running away- because the Egyptians had a different tradition first… and it’s a more pleasant story to tell the grandkids. 

The Tradition:
The Egyptians, and many other ancient cultures, used the ring as a sign of eternity, no beginning, no end. We wear the ring on the third finger of the left hand, because they believed that that the vein in that finger ran directly to the heart, which the Romans later named “vena amoris”.
Also, a 12^th Century Pope declared that the time in between the engagement and marriage should be lengthened which greatly increased engagement rings in popularity. And a clever 1950’s ad campaign by DeBeers cemented a diamond as the must-have gem. Perhaps you’ve heard it? “A Diamond is Forever”.

What Couples are doing today:
This tradition is not fading as quickly as some of the others. But there is an increasing amount of couples getting ring tattoos (diamonds are forever but tattoos are permanent?) and many brides are forgoing the traditional diamond and opting for other precious gems like a sapphire due to the amount of conflict surrounding the diamond market. And surprisingly enough, men wearing weddings bands is not a deep-seeded tradition but the number of men wearing them is going up.